how I'm feeling

frustrated at the situation
frustrated about the garage sale happening today
frustrated that I feel like this is happening so fast and there is nothing I can do to stop it
frustrated that I can't be there all the time
confused at what is happening
extremely sad
I want to cry, but feel like I shouldn't
that I have to be the strong one around my elders
mad that I feel like I'm the only one who cares
upset that this is tearing my family apart
worried that this is how MY family will act when I die
cautious about asking for stuff
cautious about what I say and do and fearing that it will impact someone else negatively
cautious about how I feel and how I let it show around everyone else
I feel separated from my family, distant
I feel like an outsider
mad at these random people for helping move stuff
mad that people are being vultures for Nonie and Papa's stuff
then sad because I want stuff to remember them by, but DON'T want to be that vulture...

So many things.  My head is spinning.  I don't like this.  But I need to be here doing this.  Hopefully, this will all work out.  This aftermath feels worse than the initial blow........

LM